As a combat veteran wounded in one of America’s wars, I offer to speak for those who cannot.  Were the mouths of my fallen front-line friends not stopped with dust, they would testify that life revolves around honor.  In war, it is understood that you give your word of honor to do your duty -- that is -- stand and fight instead of running away and deserting your friends.  When you keep your word despite desperately desiring to flee the screaming hell all around, you earn honor.

Earning honor under fire changes who you are.  The blast furnace of battle burns away impurities encrusting your soul.  The white-hot forge of combat hammers you into a hardened, purified warrior willing to die rather than break your word to friends -- your honor.  Unbeknownst to civilians, some things are worth dying for.

Combat is scary but exciting.

You never feel so alive as when being shot at without result.

You never feel so triumphant as when shooting back -- with result.

You never feel love so pure as that burned into your heart by friends willing to die to keep their word to you.  And they do.

The biggest sadness of your life is to see friends falling.  The biggest surprise of your life is to survive the war.  Although still alive on the outside, you are dead inside -- shot thru the heart with nonsensical guilt for living while friends died.  The biggest lie of your life torments you that you could have done something more, different, to save them.  Their faces are the tombstones in your weeping eyes, their souls shine the true camaraderie you search for the rest of your life but never find.

You come home but a grim ghost of he who so lightheartedly went off to war.  But home no longer exists.  That world shattered like a mirror the first time you were shot at.  You live a different world now.  You always will.

Your world is about waking up night after night silently screaming, back in battle.

Your world is about your best friend bleeding to death in your arms, howling in pain for you to kill him.

Your world is about shooting so many enemies the gun turns red and jams, letting the enemy grab you.

Your world is about struggling hand-to-hand for one more breath of life.

You never speak of your world.  Those who have seen combat do not talk about it.  Those who talk about it have not seen combat.

The hurricane winds of war have hurled you as far away as Mars, and you can never go back home again, not really. 

After your terrifying – but thrilling dance with death, your old world of babies, backyards and ballgames seems deadly dull.   

People you knew before the war try to make contact with you.  It is useless.  Words fall like bricks between you. 

Serving with warriors who died proving their word has made prewar friends seem too untested to be trusted – thus they are now mere acquaintances.  Earning honor under fire has made you alone, a stranger in your own home town. 

The only time you are not alone is when with another combat veteran.  Only he understands that keeping your word, your honor, whilst standing face to face with death gives meaning and purpose to life.  Only he understands that spending a mere 24 hours in the broad, sunlit uplands of battle-proven honor is more satisfying to a man than spending a whole lifetime in safe, comfortably numb civilian life.

Although you walk thru life alone, you are not lonely.  You have a constant companion from combat -- Death.  It stands close behind, a little to the left.  Death whispers in your ear: “Nothing matters outside my touch, and I have not touched you...YET!”

Death never leaves you -- it is your best friend, your most trusted advisor, your wisest teacher.

Death teaches you that every day above ground is a fine day.

Death teaches you to feel fortunate on good days, and bad days...well, they do not exist.

Death teaches you that merely seeing one more sunrise is enough to fill your cup of life to the brim -- pressed down and running over!

Down thru the dusty centuries it has always been thus.  It always will be, for what is seared into a man’s soul who stands face to face with death never changes.

Writer’s Note (1): 

This work attempts to describe the world as seen thru the eyes of a combat veteran.  It is a world virtually unknown to the public because few veterans talk about it.  This is unfortunate since people who are trying to understand, and make contact with combat veterans, are kept in the dark.

I offer these poor, inadequate words – bought not taught – in the hope that they may shed some small light on why combat veterans are like they are.

It is my life desire that this tortured work, despite it’s many defects, may yet still provide some tiny sliver of understanding which may blossom into tolerance – nay, acceptance – of a Warrior’s perhaps unconventional way of being due to combat-damaged emotions  from  doing his duty under fire.

A Purple Heart Medal recipient who made a promise to remain an unknown soldier. 
Member of the Military Order of the Purple Heart (MOPH).
Life Member of the Disabled American Veterans (DAV). 

 Dedicated to absent friends in unmarked graves.

WARRIOR’S CODE FEEDBACK FROM COMBAT VETERANS PART 1 (9/24/06 to 12/31/2007)

 1) 9/24/06.  To Patriot (writer's name withheld).  Thank you – what a great piece of literature, I read it three times before I forwarded it to all 185 e-mail addresses in our chapter (of the Military Order of the Purple Heart = MOPH).  Thanks again. Semper Fi., John Cooney, MSgt, USMC – retired.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, member of MOPH Chapter #642. [jcooney@ec.rr.com]

 2) 9/24/06.  To Dear Patriot (writer's name withheld).  Thanks for the website and I’ll make distribution of The Warrior’s Code at our next meeting.  Welcome to the MOPH. …If you reside in the Mountain Home, AR area we’d certainly encourage you to attend our meetings.  Yours in Patriotism, John R. Kopacz, 3rd Bn. 4th Marines, various locations in & out of Nam DMZ 1966/1967.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, Adjutant of MOPH Chapter #581 (email address withheld at sender's request.  Direct all requests to verify this email to Adjutant, MOPH Chapter #581 @ VFW Chapter #3246, 7th & Grey Sts, Mountain Home , AR 72653 ).

3) 9/26/06. To (writer's name withheld), what a powerful message and only a combat fire tested Veteran can understand the spoken and unspoken words, so eloquently framed.  YIP, I will treasure the inspirational words as I attempt to convince my fellow combat wounded Veterans of the need to reach out, to others of our Brotherhood. I look forward to meeting you some day.  Thank you and God bless you.  E. Leon Thomas , Medic nicknamed "The Doc with the long barrel pistol," Infantry Company C, 8th Cav Reg., 1st Cav Division, Korea - 1951.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, Commander of the Department of California MOPH.[ETHOMAS3@bak.rr.com]

 4)  9/26/06. To Patriot (writer's name withheld).  I received the poem/story.  Very nice.  I have forwarded that to our local (MOPH) Chapter members and our Department – statewide – Commander.  What chapter did you join?  We certainly need people like you in our effort to continue serving our fellow veterans and our communities.  Very best of luck.  Steven D. Giroux, 25th Infantry Division.
Purple Heart Medal recipient, Sr. Vice Pres. MOPH Chapter #568 [sgirou@hotmail.com]

5)  9/26/06.  Hi (writer’s name withheld).  Thanks for the wonderful expression of the thoughts of a combat veteran.  Too bad all our fellow Patriots' families can't read it.  I (want) to tell you how much I appreciate what you have been doing.  You are right that ONLY combat wounded veterans can truly understand the meaning of your Code of Honor.  Our camaraderie is hard to explain to anyone who was not there.  Have a blessed day.  Joe Kovar, rifleman, E Company, 101st Reg., 26th Div. , France June 1944 thru Battle of Bulge all the way across Germany liberating extermination camps, etc., to meet the Russians coming from the other way 1945.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, Bronze Stars with V for Valor, member of MOPH.  [ papakov@comcast.net ]

6) 9/28/06.  I have mixed emotions about the article. It is right on point as far as my personal experiences are concerned but I have a tremendous "guilt" feeling about surviving. My particular unit took very heavy casualties and very few of us came "home". My "Welcome Home" to the states was less than pleasant and those memories are buried deep in my mind.  (Anonymous, no bio).

7) 9/28/06 Reply by writer. Thanks for sharing. Your guilt feelings are quite normal. I too was burdened down with survivor's guilt. What puzzled me was that my so-called "guilt" was so nonsensical. Hell, instead of being guilty of being inadequate in combat, my buddies seemed to think I was more or less OK.  No matter, I was still "guilty" in my mind of not doing something more, different to save them. Believe me my fellow combat veteran, this is the biggest lie of your life. Keep sharing your so-called "guilt." Each time you do it disappears a little.

Semper Fi, the writer.

8) 9/30/06.  To (writer’s name withheld).  "Something of interest" that I might find on MilitaryCodeofHonor.com is an understatement. Thank you for this. Although it well warrants being printed, framed, engraved, etched in stone and displayed for all to see, it will probably remain among the few who really understand the message it conveys.  Yours in patriotism, Tim Armstrong. B5/7 1st Air Cav Div Nam 68-69.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, member of MOPH L22751 [tim-jerri@gci.net]

 9)  10/ 20/2006.  Good morning Brother (writer’s name withheld).  Would like to have your permission to post this excellent writing on our web page(s): Missouri Vietnam Veterans Foundation Missouri State Council's Guestbook - A Bravenet.com Guestbook.  Thanks much and KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.  Alan Gibson, President MOVVF, Past President MOSC, VVA.

     In reading the Warrior’s Code of Honor, I see my Brothers and Sisters as they are today and while not really wanting to admit it, I do see myself and my feelings expressed.  We have learned to "stuff it" and continue the stress of combat with over work.  
     I was not in the day to day field operations, as an E-7 at 29 & 30 was "Pop" to the troops who did the daily dirty work of war.  I am not a recipient of the Purple Heart.  I dodged those items addressed "To Whom It May Concern" as well as those with my name on it. Only received 2 Bronze Stars which with $2.00 can get a good cup of coffee and maybe leave a tip.  Alan Gibson. VN Chaplain's Administrator in 79 with the 101st Abn and in 80 was PsyOps NCOIC with the 3rd Bde, 25th Inf Div. [ Vvamo1@aol.com ]

 10)  10/20/06.  Hello (writer’s name withheld).  I was a machine gunner in Viet Nam in 1966-67 with the 5th bn 7th cav.  I lost my ammo barrier the first fire fight, and lost my asst gunner in 1967.  I was wounded Oct 4th 1967.  Pain is hell, got back problems now and got to wait to get help through the VA but it is slow.  I still have problems and still go to group to help me out or I’d be homeless and have nothing and no one cares.  75 cents and all your medals will buy you a cup of coffee. 

     You are doing a great job.  I gave the Warrior’s Code to all the group of the PTSD that I attend and they think it is real.  I KNOW it real because I was there, but we got to talk about some of these things with other vets to help the healing process.  Little by little it helps to talk things out and not feel guilty of the things that happened, we are still all suffering a loss of one kind or another.  We all stick together and help each other out when in need, or just to talk.  Robert D. Wagner , 5th bn 7th cav. Nam 1966-67.

Purple Heart Medal recipient, Adjutant MOPH Chapter 679, Jr. Vice Commander MOPH Department of Idaho, [rdw1@cableone.net]

 11) 10/21/06. Dear (writer’s name withheld). The Warrior’s Code is a marvelous work.  There's real truth in practically every line of it.  I was a Scout with the 25 Infantry Division in Korea.  My closest comrade in my squad ultimately died of his injuries when we were closely struck by artillery fire. 

     I have to say that the day in and day out stress was a life changing occurrence for me as indicated in the "CODE".  I have never been able to return to making music as I could prior to that war.  There is just not much of an attention span since.  God Bless and keep our soldiers. Truly, they will never come home the same.  E. Riggs, Bn Scout, 1st Bn, 14th Reg, 25th Infantry Division, Korea .

Purple Heart Medal recipient, member of MOPH Chapter 568, Oklahoma City . [eriggs4@cox.net]

 12) 10/26/06 David Pye, ADF, Viet Nam Veteran

“Try to understand”
If he stays home alone,
and doesn't like to hear the phone
If he won't answer the door,
'cause he doesn't want to see anyone anymore.

 "Try to understand"
If nighttime is something to dread,
And his sleep is restless and fleeting in bed,
If he quietly gets up in the night,
So as not to disturb your pleasant respite.

"Try to understand"
If he becomes nervous and jumps around,
At unexpected movement or a sudden sound.
If he sits in a restaurant with his back to the wall,
Because he can't have anyone behind him at all.

"Try to understand"
If he shows no fear and wouldn't turn if he could,
That part of him has gone that says you should.
If his anger seems quick and extreme,
He's only trying to control intense emotions unseen.

"Try to understand"
If he seems emotionless and indifferent some days,
And perhaps he just says "Go Away!"
If he becomes depressed and may seem unkind,
He is only trying to spare you the agony in his mind.

"Try to understand"
If his mood changes and alters
And he becomes unsure and often falters,
If he becomes sad and stares into space,
He has only gone to some other place.

"Try to understand”
…..Because he can't……..

A vet's cry for help. 

 13) Nov 17, 2006.  I would like to say "Thank You" to the author. While I do not consider myself a true combat veteran -- only under mortar and rocket fire from the safety of a sandbagged signal van -- I feel it speaks much about those who I consider my brothers who placed their lives and limbs in harms way -- for each other if for no other reason -- and especially to those of 5th SFG who did so across the wire. SGT E-5, NAM June 1968-July 1970 54th Sig. BN. Nha Trang,Danang,Banmethout CCS  

14) 10/26/07. Dear (writer’s name withheld). The Warrior’s Code is moving and Grimly True -- too bad Hollywood is not tuned in to it. The overwhelming feeling I have sometimes is sadness for the deaths of the brave soldiers then my age – 19 -- and wonder at my survival -- why me? Best patriotic regards, Charlie, former Pfc., Mortar Squad, Co. C, 32^nd Inf. Regiment, 7^th Infantry Division, WWII. Cpg8103@netscape.net

15) Nov 28, 2007.  My thanks to the author for putting into words what so many of us feel. My only addition would be that you don't have to wear the Purple Heart to qualify for the Warrior's Code of Honor. Most who wear that badge of honor are truly deserving while some who wear it are doing so less than honorably. I was fortunate to serve in Vietnam as an Infantryman for 24 months and not be wounded severely enough to seek the Purple Heart. And it was not for a lack of opportunity since in addition to my CIB (Combat Infantryman’s Badge) I also received two Silver Stars and five Bronze Stars with V device (V for valor). 
     My point is that there are many of us who do not wear the Purple Heart that are as touched by and relate to this wonderful piece of prose as any others. My thanks to the author and all of the many Warriors from many conflicts for who you are and what you did. Others will never understand. (Anonymous, no bio).

16) Dec 1, 2007 Reply by writer 
     1) Thank you for your kind words about The Warrior's Code in your above post. I was particularly moved when you said you were "not wounded severely enough to seek the Purple Heart." Man O Man can I relate to that! I too on occasion suffered wounds not severe enough to seek the Purple Heart, and kept on fighting alongside my friends -- until WHAM! I got the big ones that turned me into a Disabled Vet.   
     I have never seen this topic discussed anywhere, much less stated in such a beautifully well-crafted way. In my opinion, with your talent with words, you should write about the things we experienced that have never seen the light of day -- but should! Believe me, to do so lightens the crushing cost of combat/PTSD that weighs heavily upon many, if not most, combat vets -- Purple Heart or not. 
     2) I appreciate your pointing out that "you don't have to wear the Purple Heart to qualify for the Warrior's Code of Honor." I thought I had pointed this out, but I now see that I failed to say this specifically. I will do so ASAP. Thank you for your valuable help. 
Signed, the writer (who needs all the help he can get). 

 17) 12/25/07.  I'll tell no stories of war, I've no need to testify on behalf of the pain of dedication displayed by warriors. I'll only signify that I understand, at the deepest level of my body, mind, and spirit, that war does change one, and when death becomes an intimate. I will tell you now, at the start of this letter, that there is a hope out there. That I re-found my faith and belief in God and my fellows, and in my self. But that journey was a long one.

 I'll instead say that I too wandered in the always ready, check your weapons and ammo mode for many years. I never entered a store, restaurant, movie theater or bar without scoping out the back door and what could I hide behind, if... always the "if". Regardless of the reality of the situation, I had to be always ready to react to threats.

See, it's that "What if..." that grinds you down. It's about ALWAYS being ready for the threat that deadly won experience tells me is around the bend. It is a mind set rooted in fear. But such a thing cannot be, for you are a warrior, like it or not, understand it or not. Some acknowledge the fear, some resolutely turn their minds from it, but all who struggle and fight in deadly earnest are forever molded by the things that HAD to be done to survive. I lived that you see, for far to long, trying to ignore the root cause of my discontent. In avoiding the pain, and the fear, the loss and grief, I ignored the beauty, wonder, and peace that surrounded me if I could but see it. I loss my faith in God and even worse, in my self.

But I was lucky. Others had been there before me and I was fortunate to find a group of men who understood.

I'll tell you that through the grace of God, a lot of therapy with other vets at our local County Vet Center, a stint at the National Center for Post Traumatic Stress -- at Menlo Park, California -- a lot of prayer and hard work something changed. That something is, sorrowfully, rather an indistinct quality. But it manifests as a sense of honor, a sense of acceptance and gratitude.

Warriors are, in my experience, more sensitive than most men -- and women, but I cannot comment on them, I haven't the clarity of vision of what a woman feels after the deadly shadow has passed over them. Sensitive in a way that seems almost instinctive, that sees their fellow man as an individual. You are taught see the "enemy" as a caricature, an abstract.

But when faced with the reality of bodies, blood, pain and violent death, when you, the living, must deal with those, the dead, that sensitivity must hide so that it can survive.

Things will never return to "...how they were before he departed August 31, 2005, you cannot stuff the genie back into the bottle. You must learn to live with it. But one can regain their sense of honor and gratitude. Again, I hesitate to give advise for I am an expert in only one case; mine. But I have seen others who have found that their dedication to their country, their Corps, themselves and to God, can be regained. I was told "Acceptance is the key". This simple phrase hold vast field of understanding, but it is not an easy one to understand.

There is a path back to the joy of living. It's twisted and dark sometimes, but with patience and help one can fine the way back to joy.

I'm rambling here, it's 3 AM and my wife is sleeping, the house is quite, and I am probably not making too much sense. May God bless you, hang in there, allow yourself all benefit of doubt, and thank you all.

John Wagner, once L/CPL "Wags", 2nd Force Recon '67, 1st Air Delivery Plt. '67-'69, Vietnam, #2298163

 18)  Reply by writer  

Dear John, I was stunned when you said the result all your hard work upon yourself manifested "as a sense of honor, a sense of acceptance and gratitude."  
     All I can say is ME TOO!.  I also found serenity, gratitude and honor after years of intense work on myself 24/7.  
     Your awsome letter should be framed, engraved, etched in stone and displayed for all combat vets to see, but will probably remain among the few who really understand the message it conveys.  I will do my best to publicize it at every opportunity, and will hand it out at the next meetings of my local chapters of the Military Order of the Purple Heart (MOPH), and the Disabled Veterans of America (DAV). 
[Many of my words of appreciation are stolen from Tim Armstrong, number (8) above.  Thanx Tim, you said it better than I can.]

 
19).  From: Tobias Naegele [mailto:tnaegele@atpco.com.
Sent: Tuesday, October 10, 2006 9:26 AM
To: (writer's name withheld)
Did you write The Warrior’s Code of Honor yourself? 
I thought it very well done and would like to know more about you and your experience. 
We might be interested in giving this far greater exposure.  Thank you, 
Tobias Naegele 

Tobias Naegele • Editor in Chief  • Army Times Publishing Co.
Army Times • Navy Times • Air Force Times • Marine Corps Times 
• Defense News • Federal Times • Armed Forces Journal
• Training & Simulation Journal • C4ISR Journal 
Office: (703) 750-8620 • Fax: (703) 750-8683

20.  Reply by writer  
Sent:  Friday, November 17, 2006 8:55 AM
To:  Tobias Naegele (tnaegele@atpco.com)
Your request to know more about me and my experience is answered in writer’s note 2 below.  
Thank you for your consideration. 

 
Writer’s note (2)

A careful observer of this website will note that it has grown.  The Warrior’s Code itself may not change or grow because serious sources hint it may survive as is.  The Feedback section, however, has grown because this writer asked the Warriors who participated to be more forthcoming about their bio (military unit, theatre of ops, year of combat, short snippet of their experience, and email address).  Virtually all have responded, which grew the Feedback section. 

A number of them have challenged me to stand up and do the same thing -- plus Tobias Naegele [19] above.

Well, my bio would not impress anyone but me, and often not even me, but here it is. 
I was a rifleman in a 7th Infantry Div., 17th Infantry Regiment rifle platoon, Korea, 1951-- an ordinary soldier, an unknown face in the crowd, and I want to stay that way, for reasons only a bloodied combat vet would understand.

I feel compelled to discuss the problem I encountered when I came back from Korea. It is the same problem many combat veterans have struggled with down thru the ages: the transition from the warrior world back to the civilian world. Both civilians and combat vets need to understand why this universal re-entry problem occurs, and thus be empowered to solve it. Accordingly, I will now attempt to clearly language the core reason for this dark conflict, and hopefully illuminate the stairway leading back to sunlight. I will use myself as an example.

When I re-entered civilian life I LIVED the Warrior’s Code of Honor that I learned on the bloody battlefields of Korea – that is, my life was about keeping my word, my honor, or die trying.

But civilians at home had no idea that life was about keeping your word -- they thought life was about pooping out evermore babies and business.

The distance between our worlds was as far as Mars from Earth. In the midst of family and friends I felt like a stranger, a visitor from another planet. When people tried to bridge the gaping gap between us, my desire to connect with them kept running down some small hole inside, leaving me wishing I were somewhere else. This happened over and over, and I wondered if something were wrong with me for being such a loner. Then at long last, I finally realized that I did not want anything to do with people who did not LIVE the Warrior’s Code of Honor.

Civilians have no idea what LIVING the Warrior’s Code means. It needs explanation. I will again use myself as an example. After recovering from my wounds, I bypassed the slow hospital returnee pipeline and illegally, without orders, hitchhiked back to the front line to hastily rejoin my platoon. Why so eager to resume risking my life? Because I gave my word to friends in foxholes that I would come back from hospital quick, to help out. By keeping my word I was LIVING the Warrior’s Code. But I was no hero; all my wounded friends did the same thing. Why? Because shared honor and blood sacrifice bonded us closer than family.

Such camaraderie is a delicate flower that only grows in the fertile ground between those who have proven under fire they will keep their word, their honor, or die trying. It does not often grow in the stony ground of safe and secure civilian life.

This is why, like many combat vets, I chose to be virtually friendless the rest of my life except for fellow combat vets. Those who wonder why they cannot make meaningful contact with combat veterans need look no further than these few lines to understand why.

How do you make meaningful contact with a combat veteran? It is very simple:

     Demonstrate to him out in the open in front of God and everybody that you too LIVE the Code of Honor
     --that is, you also keep your word -- no matter what!

Do it and you will forge a bond, thus diminishing – if not solving -- his problem re-entering civilian life.
Do it not and you will not.
End of story. Case closed.

In conclusion, the bad news is that after many years of painful introspection torturously languaging my anguish from Korea out into The Warrior’s Code; a year alone in the wilderness; years of two-a-day group psychotherapy sessions; participation in virtually every self-help program in the world; serious search of all the world’s great religions; vast volunteer work, etc., the crushing cost of combat, called by various names:
     shell shock = WWI;
     combat fatigue = WWII; 
     battle rattled = Korea ; 
     Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] = Viet Nam , Gulf war, Afghanistan , Iraq , etc.,

has become only somewhat diminished, allowing me only a measure of serenity

 The good news is that the more I work making widely known the Warrior Code’s core message urging tolerance of a Warrior's perhaps strange, tortured way of being from doing his duty under fire, the less my battle rattle/PTSD weighs.  

Signed, the writer.

WARRIOR'S CODE FEEDBACK FROM COMBAT VETERANS PART 2 (1/1/2008 fwd)

OPEN INVITATION TO COMBAT VETERANS TO POST TO THIS WEBSITE(1st offered 1/1/08)

Combat veterans are invited to email the writer at:   10625@cox.net  to discuss the Warrior’s Code of Honor. How does it make you feel? How does it describes your experience? Both positive and negative comments are welcome.  Please include your bio (military unit, theatre of ops, combat year(s), short snippet of your experience). 
     It is important to note that you do not have to be a Purple Heart medal recipient to participate, as shown by numerous examples above (numbers 6, 9, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17).  

1(A) 1-28-08  “Dear writer:  It is an honor to know you.  The Code Of Honor is beautiful, and so true. I think you and I connect, as veterans do, who have indeed been there/done that, for we followed that path of honor and devotion to duty. Our word meant more to us than any amount of gold. I am honored to have you post this email on your website.” Gary Jacobson.
Purple Heart Medal recipient, Combat infantryman, B Co 2nd/7th 1st Air Cavalry '66 - '67, LZ Bet. Phan Thiet, Vietnam (the same unit depicted in the Mel Gibson movie, "We Were Soldiers," only one year later), author of the poem “I’m No Hero” at the website: "Dedicated Hero's Chair", first entry on the list. Official Jacobson website: Vietnam Picture and Poetry Tour http://namtour.com/namtour.html

In closing, I will attempt to language my experience of the golden chain of honor that connects all combat veterans:

I was an 18 year old kid who died in combat when someone else slipped into my body -- a man -- 

a stranger from a different world, a land where you keep your word of honor to stand and fight 

instead of running away like you desperately desire to do.
This suicidal custom is known as: “Doing your duty.”

Signed, the writer