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THE WARRIOR’S CODE OF HONOR
As a combat veteran wounded in one of America’s wars,
I offer to speak for those who cannot.
Were the mouths of my fallen front-line friends not stopped with dust,
they would testify that life revolves around honor.
In war, it is understood that you give your word of
honor to do your duty -- that is -- stand and fight instead of running
away and deserting your friends.
When you keep your word despite desperately desiring to flee the
screaming hell all around, you earn honor.
Earning honor under fire changes who you are.
The blast furnace of battle burns away impurities encrusting your soul.
The white-hot forge of combat hammers you into a hardened, purified
warrior willing to die rather than break your word to friends -- your
honor.
Combat is scary but exciting.
You never feel so alive as when being shot at without result.
You never feel so triumphant as when shooting back --
with result.
You never feel love so pure as that burned into your heart by friends
willing to die to keep their word to you.
And they do.
The biggest sadness of your life is to see friends
falling.
The biggest surprise of your life is to survive the war.
Although still alive on the outside, you are dead inside -- shot thru
the heart with nonsensical guilt for living while friends died.
The biggest lie of your life torments you that you could have done
something more, different, to save them.
Their faces are the tombstones in your weeping eyes, their souls shine
the true camaraderie you search for the rest of your life but never
find.
You live a different world now.
You always will.
Your world is about waking up night after night silently screaming, back
in battle.
Your world is about your best friend bleeding to death in your arms,
howling in pain for you to kill him.
Your world is about shooting so many enemies the gun turns red and jams,
letting the enemy grab you.
Your world is about struggling hand-to-hand for one more breath of life.
You never speak of your world.
Those who have seen combat do not talk about it.
Those who talk about it have not seen combat.
You come home but a grim ghost of he who so
lightheartedly went off to war.
But home no longer exists.
That world shattered like a mirror the first time you were shot at.
The hurricane winds of war have hurled you far away
to a different world -- the Warrior’s World -- where your whole life is
about keeping your word or die trying.
But people in the civilian world have
no idea that life is about
keeping your word -- they think life is about babies and business.
The distance between the two worlds is as far as
Mars from Earth.
This is why, when you come home, you feel like an outsider -- a visitor
from another planet.
You are.
People you knew before the war try to make contact.
It is useless.
Words fall like bricks between you.
Serving with warriors who died proving their word
has made prewar friends seem too untested to be trusted – thus they are
now mere acquaintances.
And they
often stay
that way because, like most battle-hardened Warriors, you prefer not to
risk fully trusting anyone whose life is not devoted to keeping their word,
their honor.
The hard truth is that doing your duty under fire
makes you alone, a stranger in your own home town.
The only time you are not alone is when with
another combat veteran.
Only he understands
that keeping your word, your honor, whilst standing face to face with
death gives meaning and purpose to life.
Only he understands
that spending a mere 24 hours in the broad, sunlit uplands of
battle-proven honor is more deeply satisfying to a man than spending a
whole lifetime in safe, comfortably numb civilian life with DNA
compelling him to anguish endlessly over whether he is a brave man or a
coward.
Only he understands
that your terrifying – but
thrilling – dance with death has made your old world of babies,
backyards and ballgames seem deadly dull.
Only he understands
that your way of being due to combat damaged emotions is not the
un-usual, but the usual, and you are OK.
Although you walk thru life alone, you are not
lonely.
You have a constant companion from combat -- Death.
It stands close behind, a little to the left.
Death whispers in your ear: “Nothing matters outside my touch, and I
have not touched you...YET!”
Death never leaves you -- it is your best friend,
your most trusted advisor, your wisest teacher.
Death teaches you that every day above ground is a fine day.
Death teaches you to feel fortunate on good days, and bad
days...well, they do not exist.
Death teaches you that merely seeing one more sunrise is enough
to fill your cup of life to the brim -- pressed down and running over!
Death teaches you that you can postpone its touch by earning
serenity.
Serenity is earned by a lot of prayer and acceptance.
Acceptance is taking one step out of denial and accepting/allowing your
repressed, painful combat memories to be re-lived/suffered thru/shared
with other combat vets -- and thus de-fused.
Each time you accomplish this act of courage/desperation:
the pain gets less;
more tormenting combat demons hiding in the darkness of your gut
are thrown out into the sunlight of awareness, where they disappear in a
puff of smoke;
the less bedeviling combat demons, the more serenity earned;
serenity is, regretfully, rather an indistinct quality, but it manifests
as a sense of honor, a sense of calm, and gratitude to your creator –
which lengthens life span.
Down thru the dusty centuries it has always been
thus.
It always will be, for what is seared into a man’s soul who stands face
to face with death never changes.
Writer’s
Note (1):
This work attempts to describe the world as seen
thru the eyes of a combat veteran.
It is a world virtually unknown to the public
because few veterans talk about it.
This is unfortunate since people who are trying to
understand, and make meaningful contact with combat veterans, are kept
in the dark.
Those who wonder why they cannot connect with combat
veterans need look no further than these few lines to understand why
this is so.
How do you establish a rapport with a combat
veteran?
It is very simple:
Demonstrate to him out in the open in front of God
and everybody that you too have a Code of Honor --that
is, you also keep your word -- no matter what!
Do it and you will forge a bond.
Do it not and you will not.
End of story. Case closed.
I offer these poor, inadequate words – bought not
taught – in the hope that they may shed some small light on why
combat veterans are like they are, and how they can fix it.
It is my life desire that this tortured work, despite
its many defects, may yet still provide some tiny sliver of
understanding which may blossom into tolerance – nay, acceptance – of a
Warrior’s perhaps unconventional way of being due to combat-damaged
emotions from doing his duty under fire.
Signed, a Purple Heart Medal recipient who wishes
to remain an unknown soldier.
Life Member of the Military Order of the Purple
Heart (MOPH), member number L63550.
Life Member of the Disabled American Veterans
(DAV)
Dedicated to absent friends in
unmarked graves.
CONTACT
All comments are welcome, both positive and
negative, and may be emailed to the writer at
10625@cox.net
(last revised 6/4/10)
FEEDBACK FROM COMBAT VETERANS AND INTERESTED OTHERS
(in chronological
order)
1)
9/24/06.
To Patriot (writer's name withheld).
Thank you – what a great piece of
literature, I read it three times before I forwarded it to all 185
e-mail addresses in our chapter (of the Military Order of the Purple
Heart = MOPH).
Thanks again. Semper Fi., John Cooney,
MSgt, USMC – retired.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, member of MOPH Chapter
#642. [jcooney@ec.rr.com]
2)
9/24/06.
To Dear Patriot (writer's name withheld).
Thanks for the website and I’ll make
distribution of The Warrior’s Code at our next meeting.
Welcome to the MOPH. …If you reside in the
Mountain Home, AR area we’d certainly encourage you to attend our
meetings.
Yours in Patriotism, John R. Kopacz, 3rd
Bn. 4th Marines, various locations in & out of Nam DMZ 1966/1967.
Purple Heart Medal recipient,
Adjutant of MOPH Chapter #581 (email address withheld at sender's
request.
Direct all requests to verify this email to
Adjutant, MOPH Chapter #581 @ VFW Chapter #3246, 7th & Grey Sts,
Mountain Home,
AR
72653
).
3) 9/26/06.To (writer's
name withheld), what a powerful message and only a combat fire tested
Veteran can understand the spoken and unspoken words, so eloquently
framed. YIP, I will treasure the inspirational words as I attempt
to convince my fellow combat wounded Veterans of the need to reach out to others of our Brotherhood. I look forward to meeting you some day.
Thank you and God bless you. E. Leon Thomas , Medic nicknamed "The Doc with the
long barrel pistol," Infantry Company C, 8th Cav Reg., 1st Cav Division,
Korea - 1951.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, Commander of the Department of California
MOPH.[ETHOMAS3@bak.rr.com]
4) 9/26/06. To Patriot (writer's name withheld). I
received the poem/story. Very nice. I have forwarded that to
our local (MOPH) Chapter members and our Department – statewide –
Commander. What chapter did you join? We certainly need
people like you in our effort to continue serving our fellow veterans
and our communities. Very best of luck. Steven D. Giroux,
25th Infantry Division.
Purple Heart Medal recipient,
Sr. Vice Pres. MOPH Chapter #568
[sgirou@hotmail.com]
5) 9/26/06.
Hi (writer’s name withheld). Thanks for the wonderful expression
of the thoughts of a combat veteran. Too bad all our fellow
Patriots' families can't read it. I want to tell you how much I
appreciate what you have been doing. You are right that ONLY
combat wounded veterans can truly understand the meaning of our Code of
Honor. Our camaraderie is hard to explain to anyone who was not
there. Have a blessed day. Joe Kovar, rifleman, E Company,
101st Reg., 26th Div. ,
France June 1944 thru Battle of Bulge all the way
across Germany liberating extermination
camps, etc., to meet the Russians coming from the other way 1945.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, Bronze Stars with V for Valor, member of MOPH. [papakov@comcast.net
]
6) 9/28/06. I have
mixed emotions about the article. It is right on point as far as my
personal experiences are concerned but I have a tremendous "guilt"
feeling about surviving. My particular unit took very heavy casualties
and very few of us came "home". My "Welcome Home" to the states was less
than pleasant and those memories are buried deep in my mind. (From
Open Discussion Section [since deleted], anonymous, no bio).
7) 9/28/06 Reply by
writer. Thanks for sharing. Your guilt feelings are quite normal. I too
was burdened down with survivor's guilt.
What puzzled me was that my
so-called "guilt" was so nonsensical. Hell, instead of being guilty of
being inadequate in combat, my buddies seemed to think I was more or
less OK. No matter, I was still "guilty" in my mind of not doing
something more, different to save them.
Believe me my fellow combat
veteran, this is the biggest lie of your life. Keep sharing your
so-called "guilt." Each time you do it disappears a little.
Semper Fi, the writer.
8) 9/30/06. To
(writer’s name withheld). Thank you for this. Although it well
warrants being printed, framed, engraved, etched in stone and displayed
for all to see, it will probably remain among the few who really
understand the message it conveys. Yours in patriotism, Tim
Armstrong. B5/7 1st Air Cav Div Nam 68-69.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, member of MOPH L22751 [tim-jerri@gci.net]
9) 10/ 20/2006. Good morning Brother (writer’s name
withheld). Would like your permission to post this
excellent writing on our web page(s): Missouri Vietnam Veterans
Foundation Missouri State Council's Guestbook - A
Bravenet.com
Guestbook. Thanks much. Alan
Gibson, President MOVVF, Past President MOSC, VVA.
In reading the Warrior’s Code of Honor, I see my Brothers and Sisters as
they are today and while not really wanting to admit it, I do see myself
and my feelings expressed. We have learned to "stuff it" and
continue the stress of combat with over work.
I was not in the day to day field operations, as an E-7
at 29 & 30 was "Pop" to the troops who did the daily dirty work of war.
I am not a recipient of the Purple Heart. I dodged those items
addressed "To Whom It May Concern" as well as those with my name on it.
Only received 2 Bronze Stars which with $2.00 can get a good cup of
coffee and maybe leave a tip. Alan Gibson. VN Chaplain's
Administrator in 79 with the 101st Abn and in 80 was PsyOps NCOIC with
the 3rd Bde, 25th Inf Div. [
Vvamo1@aol.com
]
10) 10/20/06.
Hello (writer’s name withheld). I was a machine gunner in Viet Nam in 1966-67 with the 5th bn
7th cav. I lost my ammo barrier the first fire fight, and lost my
asst gunner in 1967. I was wounded Oct 4th 1967. Pain is
hell, got back problems now and got to wait to get help through the VA
but it is slow. I still have problems and still go to group to
help me out or I’d be homeless and have nothing and no one cares.
75 cents and all your medals will buy you a cup of coffee.
You are doing a great job. I gave the Warrior’s Code to all the
group of the PTSD that I attend and they think it is real. I KNOW
it real because I was there, but we got to talk about some of these
things with other vets to help the healing process. Little by
little it helps to talk things out and not feel guilty of the things
that happened, we are still all suffering a loss of one kind or another.
We all stick together and help each other out when in need, or just to
talk.
Robert D. Wagner , 5th bn 7th cav.
Nam 1966-67.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, Adjutant MOPH Chapter 679, Jr. Vice Commander MOPH Department
of Idaho, [rdw1@cableone.net]
11) 10/21/06. Dear
(writer’s name withheld). The Warrior’s Code is a marvelous work.
There's real truth in practically every line of it. I was a Scout
with the 25 Infantry Division in Korea. My
closest comrade in my squad ultimately died of his injuries when we were
closely struck by artillery fire.
I have to say that the day in and day out stress was a life changing
occurrence for me as indicated in the "CODE". I have never been
able to return to making music as I could prior to that war. There
is just not much of an attention span since. God Bless and keep
our soldiers. Truly, they will never come home the same. E. Riggs,
Bn Scout, 1st Bn, 14th Reg, 25th Infantry Division, Korea
.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, member of MOPH Chapter 568,
Oklahoma City .
[eriggs4@cox.net]
12) 10/26/06
Viet Nam
Veteran
“Try to understand”
If he stays home alone,
and doesn't like to hear the phone
If he won't answer the door,
'cause he doesn't want to see anyone anymore.
"Try to understand"
If nighttime is something to dread,
And his sleep is restless and fleeting in bed,
If he quietly gets up in the night,
So as not to disturb your pleasant respite.
"Try to understand"
If he becomes nervous and jumps around,
At unexpected movement or a sudden sound.
If he sits in a restaurant with his back to the wall,
Because he can't have anyone behind him at all.
"Try to understand"
If he shows no fear and wouldn't turn if he could,
That part of him has gone that says you should.
If his anger seems quick and extreme,
He's only trying to control intense emotions unseen.
"Try to understand"
If he seems emotionless and indifferent some days,
And perhaps he just says "Go Away!"
If he becomes depressed and may seem unkind,
He is only trying to spare you the agony in his mind.
"Try to understand"
If his mood changes and alters
And he becomes unsure and often falters,
If he becomes sad and stares into space,
He has only gone to some other place.
"Try to understand”
…..Because he can't……..
A vet's cry for help.
By David Pye, ADF, Viet Nam veteran.
(Supplied by a third party, who requested anonymity, code name K).
13) writer’s feedback to K. Dear K, you may be happy to learn that
I am getting a lot of positive feedback re: David Pye’s Poem “Try to
understand” that you sent me to post to the website. Mostly wives
and mothers, who are at first shocked/stunned, then grateful.
14) K’s feedback to writer. Hey (writer’s name withheld), I am
thrilled that you published David’s poem and even happier to hear that
people are reading it and that it helps. It certainly spoke
volumes to me. I actually had a person I know “calligraphize” - I
know, I made that word up - it on a piece of parchment-like paper, and I
gave it to my wife of 20+ years.
After much crying and hugging me...(for the explanation
of) some of the small quirks that..(I) had shown over the years, such as
the seat at a restaurant table that is against the wall, with a full
view of the room. “Why does..(he) always sit there?”
You do a great service with your website there, bro.
Keep on keepin’ on and know that it is appreciated by many. Be
well. God bless you and yours. Hold fast- K
Purple Heart Medal recipient, USMC Viet Nam, member of MOPH.
15) Oct 30, 2006. I am the wife of a
Vietnam veteran, and I identified
with all the author wrote through my life with my husband. I just
want to say thanks for this piece. It is very well written and
expressed!
It is what the public needs to hear to know what war
is. The only way people can understand combat and its results is
through the print and speaking of the troops and the veterans.
Thanks. Peace, Bunkie. (from open discussion section
[since deleted].
No ID or bio).
16) Nov 17,
2006. I would like to say "Thank You" to the author. While I do
not consider myself a true combat veteran -- only under mortar and
rocket fire from the safety of a sandbagged signal van -- I feel it
speaks much about those who I consider my brothers who placed their
lives and limbs in harms way -- for each other if for no other reason --
and especially to those of 5th SFG who did so across the wire. SGT E-5,
NAM June 1968-July 1970 54th Sig. BN.
Nha Trang, Danang, Banmethout CCS. (From Open Discussion Section [since
deleted],
anonymous).
17) 11/26/07. Dear (writer’s name withheld). The Warrior’s Code is
moving and Grimly True -- too bad Hollywood is not tuned in
to it. The overwhelming feeling I have sometimes is sadness for the
deaths of the brave soldiers then my age – 19 -- and wonder at my
survival -- why me? Best patriotic regards, Charlie.
Purple Heart Medal recipient, former Pfc., Mortar Squad, Co. C, 32nd
Inf. Regiment, 7th Infantry Division, WWII. Cpg8103@netscape.net
18) Nov 28, 2007. My thanks to the author for putting into
words what so many of us feel. My only addition would be that you don't
have to wear the Purple Heart to qualify for the Warrior's Code of
Honor. Most who wear that badge of honor are truly deserving, while some
who wear it are doing so less than honorably.
I was fortunate to serve
in Vietnam as an Infantryman for 24
months and not be wounded severely enough to seek the Purple Heart. And
it was not for a lack of opportunity since in addition to my CIB (Combat
Infantryman’s Badge) I also received Silver Stars and Bronze Stars with
V device (V for valor).
My point is that there
are many of us who do not wear the Purple Heart who are as touched by and relate to this wonderful
piece of prose as any others. My thanks to the author and (thanks from) all of the
many Warriors from many conflicts for who you are and what you did.
Others will never understand. (From Open Discussion Section [since
deleted], anonymous,
no bio).
19) Dec 1, 2007 Reply by
writer
Thank you for your kind words about The Warrior's
Code in your above post to the Open Discussion Section [since deleted]. I was
particularly moved when you said you were "not wounded severely enough
to seek the Purple Heart."
Man O Man can I relate to that!
I too on occasion suffered wounds not severe enough to seek the Purple
Heart, and kept on fighting alongside my friends.
I have never seen this topic discussed anywhere, much
less stated in such a beautifully well-crafted way. In my opinion, with
your talent with words, you should write about the things we experienced
that have never seen the light of day -- but should! Believe me, to do
so lightens the crushing cost of combat/PTSD that weighs heavily upon
many, if not most, combat vets -- Purple Heart or not.
Thank you for your valuable help.
Signed, the writer (who needs all the help he can get).
20) 12/25/07. I'll tell no stories of war, I've no need to
testify on behalf of the pain of dedication displayed by warriors. I'll
only signify that I understand, at the deepest level of my body, mind,
and spirit, that war does change one when death becomes an
intimate.
I will tell you now, at the start of this letter, that
there is a hope out there. That I re-found my faith and belief in God
and my fellows, and in myself. But that journey was a long one.
I'll instead say that I too wandered in the always
ready, check your weapons and ammo mode for many years. I never entered
a store, restaurant, movie theater or bar without scoping out the back
door and what could I hide behind, if... always the "if". Regardless of
the reality of the situation, I had to be always ready to react to
threats.
See, it's that "What if..." that grinds you down. It's about ALWAYS being ready for the threat that deadly won experience
tells me is around the bend. It is a mind set rooted in fear.
But such a thing cannot be, for you are a warrior, like
it or not, understand it or not. Some acknowledge the fear, some
resolutely turn their minds from it, but all who struggle and fight in
deadly earnest are forever molded by the things that HAD to be done to
survive.
I lived that you see, for far too long, trying to ignore
the root cause of my discontent. In avoiding the pain, and the fear, the
loss and grief, I ignored the beauty, wonder, and peace that surrounded
me if I could but see it.
I lost my faith in God and even worse, in myself.
But I was lucky. Others had been there before me and I
was fortunate to find a group of men who understood. I'll tell you
that through the grace of God, a lot of therapy with other vets at our
local County
Vet
Center, a stint at the
National
Center for Post Traumatic Stress -- at
Menlo Park,
California -- a lot of prayer and hard work,
something changed. That something is, sorrowfully, rather an indistinct
quality.
But it manifests as a sense of honor, a sense of
acceptance and gratitude.
Warriors are, in my experience, more sensitive than most men after the
deadly shadow has passed over them. Sensitive in a way that seems almost
instinctive, that sees their fellow man as an individual.
But when faced with the reality of bodies, blood, pain and violent
death, when you, the living, must deal with those, the dead, that
sensitivity must hide so that it can survive.
Things will never return to "...how they were", you cannot stuff the
genie back into the bottle. You must learn to live with it.
But one can
regain their sense of honor and gratitude. Again, I hesitate to give
advice for I am an expert in only one case; mine. But I have seen others
who have found that their dedication to their country, their Corps,
themselves and to God, can be regained. I was told "Acceptance is the
key". This simple phrase holds a vast field of understanding, but it is not
an easy one to understand.
There is a path back to the joy of living. It's twisted and dark
sometimes, but with patience and help one can find the way back to joy
(serenity).
I'm rambling here, it's 3 AM and my wife is sleeping, the house is
quiet, and I am probably not making too much sense. May God bless you,
hang in there, allow yourself all benefit of doubt, and thank you all.
John Wagner, once L/CPL "Wags", 2nd Force Recon '67,
1st Air Delivery Plt. '67-'69, Vietnam, #2298163
Purple Heart Medal recipient.
(from Open Discussion Section [since deleted].
21) 12-26-07
Reply by writer Dear John, I was stunned
when you said the result all your hard work upon yourself manifested "as
a sense of honor, a sense of acceptance and gratitude," which I
call "serenity."
All I can say is ME TOO!. I also found a
sense of honor, a sense of acceptance and gratitude--serenity-- after years of
intense work on myself
24/7.
Your awesome letter should be framed, engraved, etched
in stone and displayed for all combat vets to see, but will probably
remain among the few who really understand the message it conveys.
I will do my best to publicize it at every opportunity, and will hand it
out at the next meetings of my local chapters of the Military Order of
the Purple Heart (MOPH), and the Disabled Veterans of America (DAV).
[Many of my words of
appreciation are stolen from Tim Armstrong, number (8) above.
Thanx Tim, you said it better than I can. I have also used some
words/phrases elsewhere].
22) 1-28-08 Dear Writer: It is an honor to know you.
The Code Of Honor is beautiful, and so true. I think you and I
connect, as veterans do, who indeed have been there/done that, for we
followed that path of honor and devotion to duty. Our word meant
more to us than any amount of gold. I am honored to have you post
this (discussion section) on your website. Gary Jacobson.
Purple Heart Medal
recipient, Combat infantryman, B Co 2nd/7th 1st Air Calvary `66-`67, LZ
Bet. Phan Thiet, Vietnam. This is the same unit depicted in the
Mel Gibson movie, "We Were Soldiers," one year later.
23) 1-29-08
Reply by writer. Dear Gary, I like your description of our combat
infantryman's word of honor, to wit: "Our word meant more to us
than any amount of gold."
I never thought of it in terms of gold,
but you are right -- keeping our word to friends, our honor, under fire
is the chain of gold that bonds you and me.
Civilians cannot see this chain and have
no idea such a thing exists,
consequently they will NEVER understand why we did not do the "smart
thing" and run away from the screaming hell all around.
I will now attempt to
language what happened to me in combat:
I was an 18 year old kid who died in combat when a stranger slipped into
my body,
a MAN from a different world where you keep your word of honor
to stand and fight
instead of running away like you desperately desire
to do.
This suicidal custom
is known as:
“Doing your duty.”
In closing, I have visited both your websites:
"I'm no hero"@Dedicated
hero's chair; Vietnam Picture & Poetry
tour@namtour.com; and found them
magnificent. They languaged some of the combat demons
hiding in the darkness of my gut, which hurled them into the sunlight of
awareness and made my crushing load of PTSD a little lighter.
Thank you. Signed, the writer.
24) 4/18/09. To
(writer’ name withheld):
Veterans are hesitant to talk because:
Unless you have experienced- 1. hunger - C's
- (C rations); 2.
thirst; 3. fatigue; 4. sleep deprivation; 5. heat; 6. cold; 7. no baths,
showers; 8. Same clothes for days; all unending, it is not in their frame
of reference – understanding - so why talk to them.
All of us (veterans) have something to say that is screaming on
the inside of us.
The Warrior's Code says it.
Each and every veteran can add a paragraph. I see a lot
of young men who are seeking to prove their manhood with caps, tattoos,
sports jerseys, body piercing, etc. I
want to tell them, "The real men are in the army-navy-etc. There you can
show the world that you are a man."
LTC Fred Rosenbaum, Retired, former Commanding Officer, A Co, 1st Batt,
2nd Infantry, wounded in Tet Offensive Viet Nam 1968.
Purple Heart Medal recipient,
Combat Infantryman’s Badge, Career
recognition of 14 awards and decorations, Member of MOPH Chapter 744.
flrosenbaum@suddenlink.net
25) 4/25/09. To (writer’s name withheld), after reading
the code I know what you are saying. People don’t know what its
like unless you have been there and done that. I’m glad you
sent it because I am having trouble trying to get our MOPH chapter more
involved.
I tried to tell a person one day when he asked
what happened to me, I told him we came under fire and I felt like
during the fight that God put his hand over me and my pal setting next
to me in a bunker.
I picture it as God’s fingers on the ground, and
us in a cup type of formation, and He said “son, you and Joe are a
little banged up but you will be okay,” looking at his hand as he left,
and it was bleeding.
Joe and I were scared, but we had to take care of
another fire support base next to us. They took more rounds than
we did but we stopped that, even after people kept yelling "don’t shoot."
We said what do we do, just sit here and let those other warriors lose
their life?
Well this may not make sense, but there is not a day that passes
that I don’t think about that moment, it happened in the blink of and
eye, but it will be with me till I die. Bill Melton.
Purple Heart Medal recipient, member of MOPH, 5th 27th Field Artillery
Fire Support Base Brenda near Phang Rang; Song Mol; Phan Theit; Viet
Nam, 1969-1970 [namvetmelton@cox.net]
26) 1/29/08
From: Tobias Naegele [mailto:tnaegele@atpco.com.
To: (writer's name withheld)
Did you write The Warrior’s Code of Honor yourself?
I thought it very well done and would like to know more about you and
your experience.
We might be interested in giving this far greater exposure. Thank
you,
Tobias Naegele
Tobias Naegele • Editor in Chief • Army Times Publishing Co.
Army Times • Navy Times • Air Force Times • Marine Corps Times
• Defense News • Federal Times • Armed Forces Journal
• Training & Simulation Journal • C4ISR Journal
Office: (703) 750-8620 • Fax: (703) 750-8683
27) 1/29/08
To Tobias Naegele
Your request to know more about me and my experience is answered in
writer's note 2 and 3 below. Thank you for your consideration.
Signed, the writer (name withheld).
WRITER'S NOTE (2)
I feel
compelled to discuss the problem I encountered when I came
back from war.
It is the same problem many combat veterans have struggled with down
thru the ages: the transition from the warrior world back to the
civilian world.
Both civilians and combat vets need to understand
why this universal
re-entry problem occurs, and thus be empowered to solve it.
Accordingly, I will now attempt to clearly language the core reason for
this dark conflict, and hopefully illuminate the stairway leading back
to sunlight. I will use myself as an example.
When I re-entered civilian life, I LIVED the Warrior’s Code of Honor
that I learned on bloody battlefields -- that is -- my life was
about keeping my word, my honor, or die trying.
But civilians at home had
no idea that life was about keeping your word
-- they thought life was about pooping out babies and business.
The distance between our
worlds was as far as Mars from Earth.
In the midst of family
and friends I felt like a stranger, a visitor from another planet.
When people tried to
bridge the gaping gap between us, my desire to connect with them kept
running down some small hole inside, leaving me wishing I were somewhere
else.
This happened over and
over, and I wondered if something were wrong with me for being such a
loner.
Then at long last, I
finally realized that I did not want anything to do with people who did
not LIVE the Warrior’s Code of Honor. Civilians have no idea
what LIVING the Warrior’s Code means. It needs explanation. I will again
use myself as an example.
After recovering from my
wounds, I bypassed the slow hospital returnee pipeline and illegally,
without orders, hitchhiked back to the front line to hastily rejoin my
platoon.
Why so eager to resume
risking my life?
Because I gave my word to friends in foxholes that I would come back
from hospital quick, to help out.
By keeping my word I was
LIVING the Warrior’s Code.
But I was no hero; all
my wounded friends did the same thing.
Why? Because shared
honor and blood sacrifice bonded us closer than family.
Such camaraderie is a
delicate flower that only grows in the fertile ground between those who
have proven under fire they will keep their word, their honor, or die
trying.
It does not often grow
in the stony ground of safe and secure civilian life.
This is why, like many
combat vets, I chose to be virtually friendless the rest of my life
except for fellow combat vets.
Those who wonder why
they cannot make meaningful contact with combat veterans need look no
further than these few lines to understand why.
How do you make
meaningful contact with a combat veteran?
It is very simple:
Demonstrate to him out in the open in front of God and everybody that
you too LIVE the Code of Honor --that is, you also keep your word --
no matter what!
Do it and you will forge a bond, thus diminishing –
if not solving -- his problem re-entering civilian life.
Do it not and you will not.
End of story. Case closed.
WRITER'S NOTE (3)
A careful observer of
this website will note that it has grown.
The Warrior’s Code itself may not change or grow because serious sources
hint it may survive as is.
The Feedback Section, however, has grown because this writer asked
the Warriors who participated to be more forthcoming about their bio -- military unit, theatre of ops, year of combat, short snippet of their
experience, and email address.
Virtually all have responded, which grew the Feedback section.
A number of them have
challenged me to stand up and do the same thing.
Well, my bio would not
impress anyone but me, and often not even me, but here it is.
I was a rifleman in an Infantry Rifle Company, 17th Infantry
Regiment, 7th Infantry Division, Korea -- an ordinary front-line grunt,
an unknown face in foxholes, and I want to
stay that way, for reasons
only a bloodied combat vet would understand.
To conclude my bio:
the
bad news is that after many years of painful introspection torturously
languaging my anguish from Korea out into The Warrior’s Code;
a year alone in the
wilderness of Honey Island Swamp trying to stop stumbling thru life
bowed over with Survivor's Guilt for living while friends died, trying
to get over being battle-rattled, etc.;
years of two-a-day group psychotherapy sessions
with civilians;
years of sharing with combat veteran groups;
participation in virtually every self-help program in the world;
vast volunteer work,
etc.;
acquisition of a
firm belief in Higher Power/my Creator;
the crushing cost of combat, called by
various names:
shell shock = WWI;
combat fatigue = WWII;
battle-rattled =
Korea;
Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder [PTSD] =
Viet Nam
, Gulf war, Afghanistan ,
Iraq , etc.,
still lingers, but faintly.
The good news is that this work
on myself has earned
me a good measure of blessed serenity.
And further good news is that the more I make widely known the Warrior
Code’s core message explaining what combat did to us, how to fix it, and
urging tolerance of our perhaps unusual, tortured way of being from
doing our duty under fire, the less my battle-rattle/PTSD weighs.
Signed, the writer (name
withheld).
FEEDBACK FROM A PTSD PROFESSIONAL
From: Art Robb [arobb25@comcast.net]
Sent: Monday, August 03, 2009 7:28 PM
To: 10625@cox.net
Subject: Warriors Code of Honor
1) Dear writer of The
Warrior’s Code, my name is
Art Robb. I’m a Navy retiree
who lost his father in WWII, and lost a brother (Vietnam Vet) to suicide
due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Through a series of
events, I became passionately involved in trying to help our returning
Wounded Warriors, active duty and veterans. Over the years I researched
and carefully studied PTSD, and while certainly not an expert, I believe
I have a good understanding of the subject.
I work for the CSRA
Wounded Warrior Care Project in
Augusta,
Georgia (www.projectaugusta.org),
developing a Warrior Care Team in our area. We are a fairly new
organization of highly motivated mostly Vietnam Vets dedicated to
serving our wounded warriors. We know how we were shamefully
treated upon returning from war by an ungrateful nation, and we, like so
many other Vietnam vets,
have sworn a silent oath that we will never let that happen again.
2) CAREGIVERS
TREAT THE SYMPTOMS OF PTSD, NOT THE SOURCE
Since the beginning of warfare, PTSD has existed, but mostly
undefined and untreated, even in our modern times. As I researched
PTSD, I discovered that most caregivers seem to be treating the
symptoms, rather that the source. How can you successfully treat PTSD if
you do not know the source?
To illustrate the
importance of knowing the source of a problem, Louis Pasteur clearly
identified the source of spoiled milk, beer, wine, etc. as being the
growth of microorganisms, not “spontaneous generation” as was thought.
Continuing this
illustration, PTSD caregivers are working on "spontaneous generation"
instead of the microorganism source. To say this another way, caregivers are
working on the refrigerator because the sink leaks. No wonder it
is difficult to find very many stories of success in treating PTSD.
3)
THE
WARRIOR’S CODE IDENTIFIES THE SOURCE OF PTSD
This brings me to your Warrior’s Code of Honor. I ran across it
while researching all the various documents on the net. Everyone
from a General to a Private who has experienced combat has commented
that your Warrior’s Code is right on target, and has helped them
understand their own PTSD. But like all combat vets, they find it
virtually impossible to talk about it, to “open up” to non-combat
experienced clinical caregivers, which is the first step in the healing
process.
Your Warrior’s Code
breaks this “code of silence” and clearly defines what happens to those
who leave the safe civilian world and cross over into the terrifying,
dangerous world of the combat warrior. You provide invaluable
insight into what fighting for your life does to the warrior’s heart,
soul, spirit and mind.
I believe The Warrior’s
Code is one of the most powerfully descriptive, straight forward
documents which captures the very essence of the defining moment of
traumatic transition from “soldier” to “combat warrior,” and most
importantly, the beginning of PTSD, the
source of PTSD.
Your
exact description
and/or identification of the source of PTSD has seldom, if ever, been
documented before.
While I realize there are
many forms of anxiety and stress associated with pre-deployment,
deployment and return to the USA, the
source
of the most damaging and long term is the trauma of the defining moment
of combat.
This defining moment is
clearly identified and defined in your Warriors Code, thus providing
the detailed understanding of the mind of the combat warrior that was
lacking before. We now have the guidance necessary for unlocking
the heretofore mysterious beginning and/or
source of PTSD, thereby
opening up the possibility for a cure.
4) NOW WE KNOW HOW TO TREAT
PTSD
I want you to know how much your Warriors Code of Honor has
influenced our Warrior Care Team approach, especially the combat
warrior-to-combat warrior mentoring phase. Continuing the
illustration above, our Warrior Care Team here in
Augusta --
unlike most PTSD caregivers – do not waste our time working on the
refrigerator because the sink leaks, we work on the leaky sink.
I believe the “leaky sink”
(PTSD) must be fixed by a trained and certified combat warrior mentor,
who works closely with and compliments professional clinicians,
community reintegration workers and spiritual advisors; in short -- a
multifaceted Warrior Care Team. This team should be a community-based
program to compliment the Department of Defense and VA services and care
models.
But Heads Up! We
need this approach NOW!
5) THE
COMING TIDAL WAVE OF PTSD
Why is it vital to implement the Warrior Care Team concept in all
due deliberate speed? Because most PTSD caregivers are overwhelmed by
their current case load. What will they do when over 300,000 new
returning veterans swamp and sink their already overpowered systems?
This is bad enough, but it gets
worse. Redeployment rotation back into combat can be five or six times
or more, spinning families into confusion and turmoil. According to
published reports, there has been a 50% increase in children dependents
seeking physiological treatment. The hard truth no one wants to talk
about is that the PTSD problem isn’t only combat warriors, but also
their families, thus creating a PTSD TIDAL WAVE!
This tidal wave of PTSD is
gathering strength, and will soon come crashing down on our caregivers.
If the PTSD caregivers are overwhelmed now, what will happen when this
hits? The number of veterans suffering from untreated PTSD will
skyrocket to the highest levels this nation has ever known. We
will have heartbreaking hordes of homeless veterans, veterans lost to
substance abuse, and suicide in stunning, mind-boggling numbers.
Our returning combat
warriors deserve better than this. Remember, freedom is not free –
it is bought by the blood of our combat warriors. Are we going to once
again be an ungrateful nation and repeat the shameful treatment of
returning combat veterans like we did Vietnam
vets? Or are we
going to ready ourselves NOW for this holy crusade against the coming
tidal wave of PTSD?
I respectfully suggest
that the CSRA Wounded Warrior Care Project here in
Augusta may
serve as a model to be rapidly replicated nation-wide before the PTSD
tidal wave hits.
6) TREAT
PTSD BEFORE COMBAT AND BEFORE RETURNING HOME
As we continue to develop our local Warrior Care Team, a fact is
emerging from the fog surrounding PTSD -- the best place to educate
soldiers about PTSD is before they go into combat, rather than after
returning to the
United States. PTSD becomes more
resistant to treatment over time because the coping mechanisms developed
and/or improvised by the PTSD sufferer become routinized and habitual.
(We all know how hard it is to break bad habits, yes).
Education and knowledge are
powerful allies of our young warriors. If we educate our warriors
about PTSD before combat, they will know what to expect from battle, and
what to expect when they return home. This will give them the
vitally important message that they are not alone, their new feelings
from combat are the same as countless other warriors before them, their
new feelings are justified… and they are OK!
7) WE
HAVE A DUTY TO DEPROGRAM WARRIORS INTO CIVILIANS
We have a duty to work just as hard at deprogramming combat
warriors into peaceful civilians as the military did at programming them
into combat warriors. I personally feel our military could do more. They
did an excellent job of creating warriors, and in my opinion, have a
responsibility for deprogramming them into peaceful warriors who
successfully reintegrate into society as happy and productive citizens.
I am confident that by
all working together we are making a difference.
In
conclusion, thank you very much for writing The Warrior’s Code of Honor,
and “Welcome Home” Brother!
Art Robb
8/4/09 Reply by writer
Dear Mr. Robb.
Thank you for your kind words about the Warrior’s Code. And thank you for the
detailed description of your work and how the Warrior’s Code helps out.
I recognize you as a True Believer in helping others, and
words cannot express my admiration and gratitude for what you and yours
are doing for us battle-rattled combat vets.
Signed, the writer (name
withheld)
WRITER'S NOTE OF GRATITUDE
Whatever good is done by this website would not have been accomplished
were it not for my friend Helmut Paul Ermlich, Jr.
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